Fighting Selfishness in our kids

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How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it? |the House of HendrixAs I watched my children fight over who got the biggest piece of brownie, I wondered what I had done wrong. You see, my children are innately selfish which is compounded by the fact that we live in a culture focused on immediate gratification. Does it ever feel like everything in our society aims at filling our desires quickly? From fast food to Facebook, we do not need to wait or to wonder.

My children do not even know true hunger because I make sure to always have snacks readily available. We don’t want them grouchy, right? What would happen though if I taught them to wait on food, to endure hunger pains? I imagine their impulses would die down and an improved self-control develop.

I know a family that allows only one of their children at each visit to get a happy meal at McDonald’s. The other kids get just a sandwich. Sounds unfair, right? The kids don’t mind though and are excited for whoever’s turn it is. They have had practice sacrificing their desires for the sake of another and now it’s natural. They seem to have lost that sense of entitlement that is so common among today’s child.

So lately I am in pursuit of ways to teach my children the beauty in sacrifice, so that they might be able to extend generosity beyond their little worlds of self fulfillment.How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it?

One way we are practicing this is through a Jar of Sacrifice. We bought an oddly-shaped sea glass jar from Old Time Pottery. This is the place where not just spare change goes. It is a jar that chore money and birthday money can go. Nobody counts or pressures, it is just our own family vessel to practice giving. There’s a saying “Give until it hurts and then keep giving until it doesn’t”. When my kids do chores now, they don’t think twice about throwing in some or all of that money. They are slowly learning to loosen their grip.

How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it?

When the jar is filled, we will have a family gathering to discuss how we are going to bless others with its contents. They already have ideas brewing. I look forward to figuring out how to get the money out of that tiny hole, and I am certain there will be pride as we total those little sacrifices along the way.

teaching kids to give

teaching kids to give

My prayer is that their hearts will take such joy in seeing how these sacrifices have directly blessed others, that they will naturally be generous givers with all that has been entrusted to them, even if a brownie is involved.

How to Fight Selfishness in our Children - when we live in a Self-Centered Culture. Why do our kids fight? What is the heart issue behind it?

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20 thoughts on “Fighting Selfishness in our kids

    • Thanks laura! The money removal could be one of those kid posts “great activity to keep your child busy for hours”. It’ll probably be like that board game, Operation, and involve a long set of homemade chopsticks

  1. Hi Allison, since I discovered you family blog a few weeks ago, I’ve been enjoying exploring all the articles you write. Thanks so much for sharing
    I especially loved the article on empathy and this one. I love the way you bring up your kids. As you bless others with such insightful articles may God continue to bless you and your family.

  2. Allison, I LOVE your blog! I am not a parent yet…hopefully soon, but I have read all your articles about parenting in one sitting. I love your writing and view of life. I strife to learn to “Live with grace daily”. Thank you for sharing!

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  4. Could you fill the bottle with water therefore making the paper money heavier AND flexible, making it easier to get it out?

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