Stepping Stones of life

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How life prepares us for the good stuff.Some days I listen to myself and wonder if my husband misses that innocent, fresh-faced girl he married. You know the one, the girl who had a locked gaze on her man, laughing at even his slightest of jokes. She greeted him after work with a giant smile and warm embrace, and followed it up with a foot rub and lousy home-cooked meal. She was determined to love him well.How life prepares us for the good stuff.

Check out this post for a little encouragement on the beauty in our changes.

Flash forward 13 years, he still gets my lousy home-cooked meal and is secure in my love, but the rest has changed. I’ve changed. My gaze is now divided amongst 3 children, 2 rabbits, unfinished projects and piles of laundry. When he comes home from work, he gets a “Hey Babe. (smooch) I screwed up diner again, should we order a pizza?”

I no longer slink into bed in a silk negligee ready for “theme night”. I fall into bed exhausted. Does he miss that girl from before?

I think we both do! We miss her because she represents a time in our lives when things were simpler. She had time for herself; time to be intentional in both relationships and matters of the home. There were fresh-cut flowers and love notes. There were surprise dates and thoughtful gifts. She was well rested and her mind clear. We both miss her.

I’ve learned though, she was a stepping-stone…a training ground for what was to come. All of that time she took for herself, she was figuring out who she was. Those warm embraces she greeted her man with, they are still there. They just look different. They greet the early risers of the morning and little faces after school. And when she falls into bed exhausted, it’s because she lives a full life, serves her family well, and is doing the best she can.

So although we miss her, we like the new version better. Her love has matured. Her visions of a picture perfect home now replaced by real relationships, often messy, and a love so deep it hurts. And that gaze into the eyes of her man, has roots that have dug deep, persevered, and are grounded in faith. Her gaze now tells a story, her story.

And she’s learned life’s harder, richer, and way better than her doe-eyed dreams.

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30 thoughts on “Stepping Stones of life

  1. He never says anything about it but, 3 years into our marriage I became disabled. I’m nothing like I was before. I know he still loves me, maybe more, but I am positive that we BOTH wish I was still the girl he married.

  2. This is so beautiful. I can’t believe there are only two comments on it! My husband and I are embracing being first-time parents, so this really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing it with the world :)

    • Thank you. Unfortunately our host server went down just after I posted this, which messed things up a bit. Just visited your site and love your poetic voice. I’m your newest follower. :-)

  3. Wow this couldn’t be more perfect for my marriage! You have left me in tears. I ask myself the same question you have posed. Everything was great the day we got married, and then we were faced with five years of infertility, seven miscarriages and finally our son was born. I thought we would finally be “that happy family”. I was wrong! Something with my pregnancy hormones opened up Pandora’s box and I started having epileptic seizures like crazy. I went back to work when my son was 2.5 thinking I needed a break and wanted to help contribute to the family but all I did was ruin our family a little more. I took a horrible job that I knew better not to take. I was driving down the freeway on a Saturday night and started having a seizure. I crashed into a freeway overpass. By all odds I should be dead but only broke my leg and ankle in six places. After this the seizures were unstoppable! It was determined I needed brain surgery to remove my right temporal lobe and part of my hippocampus. My husband has been my rock through the last three years of hell. I often wonder if he only knew that this is how our lives would have turned out, would he have picked me?

    • I think all of your husband’s experiences prior to your marriage shaped him with great purpose, and that purpose was to be your rock. Sounds to me like you all have persevered and then some. What incredibly strength your family has! Thank you for sharing your story. Keep me posted.

  4. Alison
    Wow, I love it…
    Thank you so much for sharing your heart AND for gracing the Memoir Monday hop with your beautiful words.
    I can SO identify with your sentiment here and I love how you express the feeling that I too have…I am sure many have as well.

    Thank you friend….
    Lovely blog.It’s so nice to “meet” you!!

  5. Oh how I love this post! Although it’s only been about 4.5 years since we were married, we have a little addition and oh how life has changed but as you say, the old me was a stepping stone and I wouldn’t trade what we have today for anything. Thanks for linking up for Mummy Mondays :)

  6. Life before kids IS simpler, but, like you, I don’t miss that girl I used to be. She’s become something much more. And, yes, I’m exhausted most nights, so is the husband! But in a good way.

  7. What a sweet post. I agree – sometimes I miss that girl, but I also wouldn’t give up what I have now, even if I am exhausted and not as much fun!! :-) So glad you linked up with us at pin it! Tuesday!

  8. Honestly, I thought this post (from the link I clicked on) was going to be about did *I* miss the girl I was on my wedding day. I didn’t even think about my husband’s perspective. We’ve been married for almost four years and have a one year old, so it’s not as though things haven’t changed. I think the poor guy is used to a constant stream of reflection from me – about how I’m changing, about how the baby’s changing. I was a nervous bride, and now I’m a nervous mom, and I don’t miss the girl I was on my wedding day. Internally, I’m just better with four more years of life experience. Maybe when I have a four year old, I won’t miss this me either! Thanks for letting me think it through.

  9. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed your beautifully written article. :-) I just realized that I’ve never had to ask myself this question. My husband has let me know *consistently* that he misses the girl I used to be (and the no children so we can do as we please at any time days) and who I’ve yet to blossom into (the perfect woman). I appreciate where we are at (as far as the wonderful offspring our union has brought and the potential our relationship has) but struggle to love and honor a man that struggles to see the best in who I am today and to build me up rather than tear me down. I desire to have that richer, more meaningful, we both get each other and respect each other, relationship that you have. We’ve only been married for five years….so prayerfully…it will come. Blessings to you and your family. :-)

    • First off, thank you for sharing this piece of your heart. Marriage is hard, isn’t it? Your comments made me think of a scripture in 1 Peter 3 which talks about winning your husband over not with words (or through fighting) but through your actions. My prayer for you is that you will cling to God for your security, that you will speak and act in such a way to honor Him, and as a result your husband is going to be drawn to you…not your appearance but the beauty of your heart. Praying over your marriage now my friend. Keep me posted.

  10. Popping over from The Multitasking Mummy. What a lovely post. We are coming on 17 years of marriage and have faced the toughest years of it in the last 3 years. We are coming out to the other side now, definitely changed, but stronger than we ever were and looking forward to a beautiful future with our gorgeous blessings :)

  11. I miss her. I miss what she could get up to. It’s not that I don’t like who I am now, or what I’m doing now, but I still think fondly of the antics she used to get up to.

  12. I happened to stumble upon your blog through Pinterest and oh boy, this is what I needed! I too, have 3 little ones and oddly enough, a Palmer as well! :) So many of your previous post’s have touched me in many ways. Especially since our weekend was full of many trying moments with our kiddos. Thank you for bringing some calm and inspiration to my morning. I look forward to enjoying your blog. Have a wonderful week!

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  14. Hi Allison – katbiggie mentioned you on her blog, which is how I found you. This post resonates with me. What my husband always tells me (and I believe him) is that he loves that I still love him – that I love him more at 13 years than I did on our wedding day. We’ve been through an incredible lot together – not unhappiness in our marriage, but outward pressure – and we are happy. But I miss the girl that was 13 years ago – the slimmer figure, the fresh-faced optimist. 😉

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  16. I just found this via pinterest. Thank you. I needed this, very badly. I miss the girl I was 13 years ago too. Many regrets on my end. I miss her deeply.

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