So you’re at an event and she walks in. There’s something about her that makes you stop and look. But it’s not just you; others are looking too. It’s not her chic outfit or even physical beauty, but something in how she carries herself. Intentionally or unintentionally, she commands attention. We don’t know her story, or maybe we do. But what she does in those next 30 seconds is very telling.
Her body language is about to communicate one of two things:
‘Here I Am’ or ‘There YOU are’
The confident ‘Here-I-am’ woman communicates:
- I’m here. I’ve arrived. See me?
- Who do I know here?
- I’ll wait here for you to come over and talk to me.
There’s also a ‘Here-I-am” woman that doesn’t command attention but shares the same self-focus:
- Is my outfit ok?
- Will they like me?
- I’m uncomfortable, they can come to me
Whether from a place of confidence or insecurity, the Here-I-am woman is all about HER. See the emphasis above on the Me, I, and My. She’s really saying, “Please validate me, accept me, see me”.
I missed out recently on reconnecting with an old friend. She was all glammed up at an event radiating a ‘Here-I-Am’ vibe. She had undeniable presence but appeared unapproachable and uninterested in connecting with anybody beyond her immediate circle. I wanted to say hi but was confused. In retrospect, I wish I had pushed, because I think it was a cover-up for her insecurity. I think her ‘Here-I-Am-all-fabulous-and-cool’ image was a power play for acceptance…only an acceptance that had nothing to do with actual friendship. She was hiding behind a very compelling persona.
I understand the lure though of controlling how others perceive you. It seems safer than risking rejection. But it’s a dangerous cycle that rarely results in the comfort of being truly known and accepted by another. You miss out.
There You Are
When the ‘There-You-are’ woman walks into the room, she too commands your attention because she is excited to see YOU. There YOU are. She’s great to be around because she communicates:
- You are worth walking over and sticking my hand out for.
- How can I make YOU comfortable?
- I’m excited to be with YOU.
- It’s nice to meet YOU.
- You are accepted, cool and fabulous, not me.
She is remembered by the way she makes YOU feel.
She may be outgoing…or she may have a quiet spirit, but you remember her.
You like her because she first liked you.
So what type of woman are you? Do you radiate ‘Here I am” or ‘There you are’? I think most of us have a natural inclination to ‘Here-I-am’ behavior, but not because we think we’re so fabulous. Conversely, we simply have a desire to be accepted and feel significant, and sometimes that can make us self-focused.
What would happen if we treated everybody in our path today with a “There YOU are” attitude? Would the mom who feels left out at school events feel more comfortable? Would your spouse respond to you differently? Would that conflict with the neighbor change? Would you like yourself more?
I’ve been watching my ‘There-You-Are’ friends and have compiled a list of the qualities I think sum her up.Do you know this woman? How does she make you feel? Life’s too short to withhold a compliment. Share this with her and say thank you. Give HER some encouragement.