6 Ways I loosened up to survive the early years of Motherhood

 

I’m that mom that people in Publix give dirty looks to because her children are playing “Spies” down the aisles. The mom who let’s her kids play with all the toys in Target while she sits on the floor and talks to her sister on her cell phone. I’m the mom that has been known to let her boys pee behind a tree in a semi public place because legistically is seems most efficient. I know, I NEVER thought I’d be her.6 Ways I loosened up to Survive the early years of Motherhood - the House of Hendrix

Before I had children, I was appalled when I saw wild children in public places running around …I swore my children would never behave that way. I really did. I actually said it out loud to my husband. “Just so you know honey, our children will never act like that. They are going to say Yes Mam and Yes Sir, and know how to properly sit at a restaurant table until each adult is finished”.

Yay, they really don’t. I mean I can threaten them to said desired result but it’s not natural.  And it’s not that I don’t try. It’s that as moms we have to pick priorities and EVERYTHING can’t be a priority. I applaud you moms who have 3 kids in a grocery cart each with their list of items to look for, with a pencil and pad and a plan. You’re doing a great job! (and I’m not being condescending)6 Ways I Loosened Up to Survive the early years of Motherhood - the House of Hendrix

I actually channeled that mom for 3 1/2 years when I had my daughter and infant son. I had it together, or at least thought I did in my sleep-deprived state. Then I was blessed with another boy a few months later and well…God thought I needed to loosen up a bit or just wanted a good laugh. I had one was crawling this way, one toddling that way, and a 4-year-old with an opinion on it all.

I had to change or else this idealistic vision of mothering would be the death of me. Every mom is different. Every threshold unique. I was maxed out. There were specific areas I had to loosen up to survive and thoroughly enjoy these early years of motherhood.Encouraging and refreshing post!! "I guess I just quit trying to make it all look perfect: my kids, my house, my parenting...and as a result we had more room for joy and increased time for laughter." |the House of Hendrix

6 Ways I loosened up to survive the early years of  Motherhood:

1. Be thankful in the storm. When I feel exhausted and overwhelmed, I look for the blessings around us.  Have you read “1000 Gifts? The author writes a journal of 1,000  things she is thankful for…the result, JOY.

2. Laugh Laugh when life is messy, chaotic, or just not going your way. Laughter helped me find perspective in the most frustrating mommy moments. My mother faxed me a paper at work one time which read in giant letters, ‘Don’t let the stress take away your joy’. That totally changed me. {humorous table manners post}

3. Re-Prioritize – My heart wanted to be a great mom to our children…but I just couldn’t do it all. We had to define what the most important priorities were for our family.

Unchanging Priorities: Obedience, Respect, Honesty. These are not the areas where we  loosen up, yet are still our biggest struggle.

Family-Specific Priorities like Serving Others or Having a Strong Family Unit. Defining these helps determine how we choose to spend our time.

Our Fallen Priorities: These are good parenting practices that just aren’t our priority. Keeping my boys clean for 6 Ways I loosened up to Survive the early years of Motherhood - the House of Hendrixinstance. It’s impossible. We wash our hands and take baths, but it really ends there. Over the summer they only look clean because we live in the pool, but if I met you at the park for a playdate, you would be baffled. I think of it as their special gift, they know how to play hard…and get dirty.

4. Slow down – This occurred to me one day when I took the kids to Sea World. They were looking at the flamingos, and I pleaded for 5 minutes for them to hurry up so we could go see the dolphins. Who goes to Sea World to see flamingos after all? Suddenly I stopped pushing and just observed. They posed like flamingos for 15 minutes fully convinced that the tourists could not tell if they were a one-legged pink bird or a child.

We never made it to Shamu that day, and I can’t recall what we actually did see, but they still laugh about all of those “in between moments” that never made the schedule, those memories based on relationship and interaction with each other, those memories that almost didn’t happen because I was rushing for nowhere.

5. Simplify – I simplified the over-the-top birthday parties and put that energy into creating a memorable birthday atmosphere within our home.  I simplified making baby books…actually I quit them altogether but you shouldn’t do that, they’re good to have.  

6 Ways I loosened up to Survive the early years of Motherhood - the House of Hendrix

I guess I just quit trying to make it all look perfect: my kids, my house, my parenting…and as a result we had more room for joy and increased time for laughter.

6. Trust –  I have read more parenting books, heard speakers, and taken parenting classes that I understand the importance of family meals, consistent discipline, fewer activities, more alone time with each child….which is why it’s so easy to feel like a failure as a parent. There’s always something more we could be doing as parents.

But that is exactly where the scriptures changed my heart. They promise that if I ask God for wisdom over my children, He won’t deny it from me. But to truly have confidence in that, meant I had to trust that God would equip me for the children He entrusted to me. When I embraced that truth, the pressure was off. I was enough for my kids. My kids still keep me quite humble on a regular basis, but I take comfort knowing that when I seek God for guidance, He will provide the insight and wisdom I need.

So that’s how I became “that mom”. People still roll their eyes and gasp from time to time, but I’m ok with it. My family is not supposed to look like yours, and we are in fact a bit quirky. But like you, I cherish my children. So if you bump into my Secret Spies in the cereal aisle at Publix, or if I see your children eating chocolate bars for breakfast, let’s give each other a break, and replace those looks with an understanding smile, that we’re each doing the best we can.

The House of Hendrix

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20 Things I received from my Mother

20 Things I became because of my Mom. A tribute to our moms. [the House of Hendrix}Today is Mother’s Day and no gift seems appropriate…no gift ever seems appropriate because I have received so much from her.

She gave me life.

She gave me a childhood filled with joy and love.

She gave me the confidence to become the woman I am today.

As I reflect upon her role in my life, I weep.  I weep because I am overwhelmed by the goodness she has lavished upon me.

The prayers. The counsel. The encouragement.

The discipline. The friendship. The fun.

I do not want to honor her memory after she’s past. I want to honor her today. Every day.

I want to celebrate my mom.

20 Things I became because of my Mom. What do you hope to instill in your children?A tribute to our moms. [the House of Hendrix}

Mom,

♥ Thank you for giving me encouragement when you might have needed some yourself. You have been a constant cheerleader in my life and that has made me secure.

♥ Thank you for showing me that everybody in our lives is in need of that encouragement from the taxi driver to my boss. That has made me aware.

♥ Thank you for teaching me that beauty is not just skin deep but is a reflection of your heart….and that nothing makes you sparkle more than a peaceful, joy-filled soul. That helped define my self-image in a culture that suggests otherwise.

♥ Thank you for modeling that you don’t have to raise your voice in a marriage to win an argument…that a gentle and quiet spirit speaks boldly and with effect. That has made me a better wife.20 Things I became because of my Mom. What do you hope to instill in your children?A tribute to our moms. [the House of Hendrix}

♥ Thank you for always seeing the best in me, never becoming exasperated or critical of my imperfections, but affirming the woman you know me to be. That has inspired me to do great things.

♥ Thank you feeding me nutritious foods at a time when health food stores smelled really funny. That has made me appreciate Whole Foods on an olfactory level (and taught me how to respect my body).

♥ Thank you for teaching me proper etiquette. That has given me confidence in formal settings, never feeling like I don’t belong.

♥ Thank you for decorating for the holidays and making us feel special on our birthdays. You taught me how to bring warmth to a home and make an ordinary day memorable.  That has taught me how to truly celebrate life.

 Thank you for being a strong woman not afraid to speak truth. That has taught me to be bold in my own convictions.

20 Things I became because of my Mom. What do you hope to instill in your children?A tribute to our moms. [the House of Hendrix}

♥ Thank you for reminding me: “the difference between hope and despair is a good night sleep”.  That has gotten me through many teary evenings.

♥ Thank you showing us how to find joy in the messiest of circumstances. You created a family that wasn’t moody. That has allowed me to see the blessings when life is really hard.

♥ Thank you for your passion to travel and “smell the city”. My richest academic lessons came from the trips you meticulously planned. That has given me a love for learning and an appreciation for history and art.

♥ Thank you for teaching me the scriptures. They have been an unwavering foundation in my life.

♥ Thank you for nurturing me when I am sick. No matter my age, nothing soothes my weary body quite like the voice of my mama.

♥ Thank you for telling me I was your favorite child.  I realize you told all of us that, but I also know you meant it with me.  That makes me feel special.

♥ Thank you for showing me how to forgive…to forgive when you’ve been wronged…and when the wound is deep. You showed me the freedom that forgiveness brings and the restoration possible. That taught me mercy and healing.

♥♥♥ But above all, thank you for loving me. I have never known a day apart from your love, and that is a priceless gift. YOU are a gift to me.

So today, on this day that we celebrate you, I hope my life has honored you, brought you joy, and is pleasing to your soul.   I love you mom.The House of Hendrix

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Why I chose to homeschool when I swore I never would. Our one year adventure together.

Why I chose to homeschool when I swore I never would. Our one year adventure together.

“Good for YOU…not me” was what I always thought when I met an amazing mom that homeschooled her children. I was confident that I was both a better mother getting a break from my children, and that a fully trained individual was more qualified for the job. Yet I spent the past year homeschooling my daughter for 5th grade. Here’s our story.

I love my children’s school, so much so I’ve written a post about my adoration for their teachers. My daughter is a disciplined, respectful, quiet student who takes delight in lining up her pencils and practicing her math facts. Her hard work and natural abilities have always made her successful in the classroom. Somewhere around the end of 3rd grade and the beginning of 4th she began to lose her academic sparkle. Her joy had been replaced with anxiety, and her smiles just fleeting moments. Tears became her release on matters pertaining to homework and tests. She was on edge.

I remember her coming home from school with an A- on a test, sobbing for having missed 2 questions. Bummed that my then 9 year old’s quest for perfection was overtaking her ability to have a joy-filled week,  I rebelliously took a pencil and drew a line through the minus turning it into a A+. This is just a letter. It does not define you. She was mortified that I had defiled her paper.

She needed me….but not the me she was getting. From the time we got home from after school sports until bedtime, my relationship with my 3 children was a checklist of orders: take a bath, eat dinner, do your reading and finish homework. We were stretched. I was not mentoring, modeling and even mothering in the way I thought she needed.perfection is my enemy printable {the House of Hendrix}

I craved time with my daughter. I wanted that extended atmosphere where we could tackle some bigger issues like perfectionism, confidence, and identity.  My concern was not necessarily where she was at now, because many children get anxious and stressed out, but where this could take her.  I wanted to affirm in her who she is in Christ and that no grade, award or even imperfection can alter that identity. She is already amazing. We listened to a Christian pop singer Francesca Battistelli CD with lyrics like “Perfection is my enemy. I’m free to be me.” We also read great books on that topic attached here.6 great books for yuor tween to read...about being a tween

So I said no to a lot of good things and Yes to her. This was not a flippant decision. I gathered information, asked questions, and prayed a lot. I finally decided I would never regret taking a year to pour into her. This was not an academic decision. This was a heart decision, a commitment to each other for one year.

Here’s what our year looked like:

Each morning, she made us each a cup of tea, we played classical music, and had our devotions. When we skipped this step, we ran into trouble. She craved that soothing transition from the morning rush of getting her brothers to school, to a place where our hearts were calm and teachable.

We continued her Classical Christian education. We read great books, laughed, and sang. We did math at Starbucks and literature in a British accent. She was required to dance as she sang her grammar jingles and we totally dropped Latin. We learned for the love of learning.

This was a journey we were going on together. I quickly saw my weaknesses revealed. I was honest and talked through them with her. Unknowingly, I was modeling bringing light to each other’s struggles…not being ashamed of them, and taking comfort in not being perfect. We don’t have to be great at everything. We are enough. We celebrated our strengths in confidence.

An author who I adore, Ann Voscamp, shaped my perspective on what I wanted this year to look like. She encourages both the homeschool parent and child to be committed to living in 4 key ways.

Live each day: (Ann Voscamp)

Authentically.
Live your life. Invite your children to join you! Read together. Pray together. Sing together. Work, bake, garden, chore, clean, sew, fix, build together. Don’t fabricate artificial demarcation lines between schooling and living. Live a one-piece life. Live holistically.

Joyfully.
Explore! Be awed by His World! Restore Wonder! Be a creative, thinking, exuberant person who spills with the joy of learning. Your zest for learning and life will be contagious–the children will catch it!

Curiously.
Read, read, read. Fill the house with library books. Play classical music. Post the art of the masters about the house. Go for walks in the woods. Learn a new language, a new culture, a new poem. Everyday set out to discover again, and again, and again. The whole earth is full of His glory! Go seek His face…

Consistently.
Consistently prayConsistently read. Consistently keep the routine. Consistently live an everyday liturgy.

Our year together is now over, summer is coming to an end, and my daughter returns to her school in a few days. We didn’t cover everything in my curriculum plan. We didn’t take all of the field trips I imagined accompanied a homeschool experience, and I’m sure I failed to teach her everything she would have learned in school.

But my daughter and I… we are connected.  We’re tight! I can look at her introverted self and know the status of her heart. We built trust. We persevered through frustration. We gained confidence. We dealt with death. But more than anything, JOY returned to the face and heart of my child…a joy that is not temporary because it comes from that deep place of knowing who you are .

Why I chose to homeschool when I swore I never would. Our One Year Adventure Together {the House of Hendrix}.

 

Resources we enjoyed:

 “The question is not, ‘how much does the youth know?’ when he has finished his education––but how much does he care? – Charlotte Mason

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The House of Hendrix